


NULL HYPOTHESIS

by spiritofsky



Category: Awesome Land (Cartoon)
Genre: AU, Ableism, Autistic Character(s), Childhood Memories, Childhood Trauma, Delusions, Depression, Dissociation, Gen, Hallucinations, Histrionic Personality Disorder - HPD, Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, Implied/Referenced Suicide attempt, Mental Health Issues, Mood Swings, Murder, Poetry, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma, Psychotic Disorder, Revenge, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Taylor isn't very happy, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, at all, uwu
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-21
Updated: 2017-07-25
Packaged: 2018-11-03 07:18:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10962390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spiritofsky/pseuds/spiritofsky
Summary: None of them were different, they were all the same, and Taylor didn't care any more.





	1. NULL HYPOTHESIS

**Author's Note:**

> this wasnt supposed to be like this, so i suppose after this ill write the au it was supposed to be,, WHICH IS, SO DIFFERENT IDK HOW I GOT HERE FROM THAT IDEA  
> this is, kinda venty i guess?? its taylor struggling with mental illness and aftermath of trauma and stuff, 
> 
> this will probably have 3 or 5 chapters, it depends

NULL HYPOTHESIS  
_noun_  
**noun:** null hypothesis; **plural noun:** null hypotheses  
1\. (in a statistical test) the hypothesis that there is no significant difference between specified populations, any observed difference being due to sampling or experimental error.

 

✖ 01101110 01110101 01101100 01101100 ✖

 

Taylor had given up on himself, completely and utterly, and he wondered when his body would finally decide to give up with him. In fact he even found himself wishing that day would come soon.

He wondered when he would end up fainting of exhaustion and most likely end up splitting his head open on something, how many months of almost no movement it would take for his muscles to atrophy away. When his food starved stomach would finally digest himself and his heart would stop beating and his veins would clot.

He knew his brain had given up, that much was obvious by now, from his lack of focus, on even on science, to his panic attacks and breakdowns and the hallucinations. He wondered when he’d sleep for so long he fell into a coma, or died since he was sleeping instead of caring for himself.

He wondered when he’d forget to take of his binder when he slept for the third time in a row and his ribs would snap and bend or he would asphyxiate in his sleep. Maybe both. 

In reality, he knew that fate wouldn’t be so kind. He knew that he’d keep pushing himself to live on and on as an obscure, roundabout form of self harm. And that in the end he’d probably die by his own hand.

Taylor had given up on himself, completely and utterly.

 

Oh but that wasn’t the only thing he had given up on. He had given up on everyone around him. He knew what they were like, probably talking about him behind his back, insulting him and laughing at him and plotting his downfall. He wouldn’t be surprised if one of them killed him one day.

 

He wouldn’t be surprised.

 

He wouldn’t be upset.

 

They were all like that, they all hated him or didn’t care or they _hurt him,_ used him and shattered him and he was done with it all.

He had come to a decision, a hypothesis, if you will. (He loved science, after all.) A null hypothesis.

 

None of them were different, they were all the same, and Taylor didn't care any more.

 

✖ 01101110 01110101 01101100 01101100 ✖

 

They put him under more surveillance after that, someone in his room at all times. That meant they made him get out of bed.

Oh but he had no energy, no motivation, he hardly felt like he was there at all, he was just floating, or maybe the world wasn’t real at all.

 

Maybe he wasn’t real at all.

 

They couldn’t get him out of bed, so they forced, him, dragged him out. Their hands on his skin felt big and heavy and he felt numb, pins and needles and pain. That was just his skin, God forbid when they dragged him up by the wrists, hands tight around his barely healed cuts and scabs and scars.

Taylor spent most of his time tracing them or picking away the scabs that formed.

The interns chided him, saying that they’d scar. He didn’t care. It was calming, and the pain brought him back to reality, grounded him like he needed. He deserved it, anyway.

 

He found himself liking the attention it got from the staff.

 

He felt sick.

 

✖ 01101110 01110101 01101100 01101100 ✖

 

There was the shouting. Loud and angry and frenzied. He didn’t know who it was from, he didn’t know who they were shouting at, he didn’t know what they were saying, too far dissociated he couldn’t process it.

 

He figured it was about him.

 

It must be, after all, it reminded him of-

 

Taylor tried to just watch Clone One scribbling all over the walls in bright green crayon.

 

✖ 01101110 01110101 01101100 01101100 ✖

 

Taylor had snapped at an intern that day. He had gotten snapped at in return.

Looking back on it, it was stupid, he was stupid, it was just.. They had just mentioned.. **_01110100 01101000 01100001 01110100 00100000 01101110 01100001 01101101 01100101-_ **

 

No! He couldn’t even think it. Say it? Was he talking aloud again? He checked. No, he wasn’t, it was fine. Oh but what if they could hear his thoughts or- no that’s not possible it- but what if they could-? No it couldn’t happen it wasn’t possible he-!

He took a breath, clenched his fist, bit his lip until it hurt and even more after that. And then there was the sound of enamel through flesh, a soft crunch like getting your earlobe pierced. He had plenty of experience with that.

It was bleeding now, coppery and salty with a strangely sweet taste somewhere in there too. He chewed at his lip now, not caring if he bled more.

He sighed, starting to relax a little.

 

Taylor had been doing better lately, apparently, save for that. He finally had his room to himself again. Or, almost himself. The intern watching him may have been gone but his clones were still there, as always.

He saw someone walk past his room. They were probably looking in, watching him. He locked the door, then bolted it and chained it with the extra locks he had made and installed.

 

Taylor was sick of them all. Every single one of them.

 

Too many people, they all hated him, or didn’t care, it was all the same, a null hypothesis, and Taylor was done. There was no point, he didn’t care. He had given up on them and himself and the whole fucking world.

They hated him? He hated them back. He was filled with an extreme loathing, seething rage and anger and he didn’t know why. All of a sudden he hated them all when before it was apathy and-

 

Oh, the apathy was back.

 

Oh. His arms stung. He looked at them. There was blood under his nails and scratches all over his upper arms.

 

Oh. That would be it. He was scratching up his arms again.

 

Oh well. He didn’t really care.

 

Oh.

 

He was crying.

 

Since when?

 

✖ 01101110 01110101 01101100 01101100 ✖

 

**01010100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01100010 01101111 01101111 01101011 01110011 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100001 01110100 00100000 01001001 00100000 01100001 01101101 00100000 01110010 01100101 01100001 01100100 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01100001 01110010 01100101 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01101111 01101110 01100101 01110011 00100000 01001001 00100111 01110110 01100101 00100000 01100110 01101111 01110010 01100111 01101111 01110100 00001101 00001010 01001001 00100000 01110100 01101111 01110010 01100101 00100000 01101111 01110101 01110100 00100000 01100001 01101100 01101100 00100000 01101111 01100110 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01110000 01100001 01100111 01100101 01110011 00100000 01100001 01101100 01101111 01101110 01100111 00100000 01110111 01101001 01110100 01101000 00100000 01101101 01111001 00100000 01101000 01100101 01100001 01110010 01110100 00001101 00001010 00001101 00001010 01000001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01001001 00100000 01110011 01110000 01100101 01101100 01101100 01100101 01100100 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 01110010 00100000 01101110 01100001 01101101 01100101 00100000 01110011 01110100 01101001 01101100 01101100 00100000 01110111 01101001 01110100 01101000 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01101100 01100101 01110100 01110100 01100101 01110010 01110011 00100000 01100110 01110010 01101111 01101101 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01101100 01100101 01110100 01110100 01100101 01110010 01110011 00100000 01001001 00100000 01110111 01110010 01101111 01110100 01100101 00001101 00001010 01000001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01001001 00100000 01110011 01110000 01100101 01101100 01101100 01100101 01100100 00100000 01101111 01110101 01110100 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 01110010 00100000 01101110 01100001 01101101 01100101 00100000 01110011 01110100 01101001 01101100 01101100 00100000 01110111 01101001 01110100 01101000 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01101100 01100101 01110100 01110100 01100101 01110010 01110011 00100000 01100110 01110010 01101111 01101101 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01101100 01100101 01110100 01110100 01100101 01110010 01110011 00100000 01001001 00100000 01110111 01110010 01101111 01110100 01100101**


	2. ABSOLUTE ZERO

ABSOLUTE ZERO  
_noun_  
noun: **absolute zero** ; plural noun: **absolute zeros  
** 1\. the lowest temperature that is theoretically possible, at which the motion of particles which constitutes heat would be minimal. It is zero on the Kelvin scale, equivalent to −273.15°C.

 

✖ 01111010 01100101 01110010 01101111 ✖

 

SIXTEEN

 

Taylor bit his lip too hard,  
and reveled in the taste of his own blood.

 

He felt he deserved the hurt.  
He felt it helped him to calm down.  
He felt it helped take his mind off of things.  
He felt it was what others would want.

 

He felt everything.  
He felt nothing.

 

He began work.

 

[He felt he had hit ABSOLUTE ZERO]

 

✖ 01111010 01100101 01110010 01101111 ✖

 

FIFTEEN

 

Taylor smiled,  
A small smile,  
not much more than the just corners of his lips turning up.

 

The intern smiled back,  
and left his room with a slight wave.  
Taylor’s fake smile fell off of his face.

 

He wasn’t happy.  
Not at all.  
He felt awful.

 

They said he was getting better.  
Sure, his anxiety was, maybe.  
But everything else was just getting worse.

 

So much worse.  
He didn’t feel happy.  
He didn’t feel much at all.

 

Just empty.  
Just bored.  
Just _[useless, worthless, helpless, dead]_

 

Just.

 

[He felt he had hit ABSOLUTE ZERO]

 

✖ 01111010 01100101 01110010 01101111 ✖

 

FOURTEEN

 

After that  
Taylor found himself sectioned,  
In hospital with nowhere else to go.

 

He was alone now.  
He didn’t like it.

 

At least he was away from his parents.

 

[He felt he had hit ABSOLUTE ZERO]

 

✖ 01111010 01100101 01110010 01101111 ✖

 

THIRTEEN

 

Taylor screamed and sobbed and cried  
In grief and sadness and hopelessness and anger,  
As they pulled him down from his high perch.

 

They coddled him like he was a small child.  
Though he supposed he was a small child.  
He just wanted to be alone.

 

[He felt he had hit ABSOLUTE ZERO]

 

✖ 01111010 01100101 01110010 01101111 ✖

 

TWELVE

 

Taylor started to realise  
That maybe,  
That wasn’t right.  
That wasn’t normal.

 

What He had done to him.

 

[He felt he had hit ABSOLUTE ZERO]

 

✖ 01111010 01100101 01110010 01101111 ✖

 

ELEVEN

 

Taylor didn’t think she was a girl.

 

[He felt he had reached an understanding.]

 

✖ 01111010 01100101 01110010 01101111 ✖

 

TEN

 

Taylor’s grandfather scared her,  
All shouting and rage.

 

All lack of understanding.

 

She had a panic attack that night.  
And fell asleep to thoughts of worthlessness.  
And fell asleep to thoughts of abnormality.

 

Why had she reacted to bad to that?  
When that was how her parents always told her off?

 

He hadn’t even hit her.  
He hadn’t even insulted her.

 

[She felt she had hit ABSOLUTE ZERO]

 

✖ 01111010 01100101 01110010 01101111 ✖

 

NINE

 

Taylor didn’t realise that nobody at school wanted to hang out with her.

 

[She looked back in the future. He felt stupid.]

 

✖ 01111010 01100101 01110010 01101111 ✖

 

EIGHT

 

Taylor had a panic attack.  
She didn’t understand what it was.  
She didn’t understand why.

 

She didn’t understand what it meant.

[She felt scared.]

 

✖ 01111010 01100101 01110010 01101111 ✖

 

SEVEN

 

Other children at Taylor’s school  
Started to make jokes.

 

They had always made jokes  
But not these jokes  
Not jokes about sex and puberty and such.

 

She hadn’t heard these jokes before now.  
Why did she understand some of them?

Why did they make her so uncomfortable?

 

[She felt confused.]

 

✖ 01111010 01100101 01110010 01101111 ✖

 

SIX

 

Taylor couldn’t remember much from when he was six.

  
Taylor remembered some things from when he was six.

  
Taylor wished he didn’t remember anything from when he was six.

 

[He felt sick to his stomach.]

 

✖ 01111010 01100101 01110010 01101111 ✖

 

FIVE

 

Yay!

Taylor’s mother made friends with His mother again!  
This meant they could finally play together again!

 

[She felt excited.]

 

✖ 01111010 01100101 01110010 01101111 ✖

 

FOUR

 

Taylor started school.

 

She loved science so much!  
It was all she could think of!

  
  
[She felt so happy she could burst.]

 

✖ 01111010 01100101 01110010 01101111 ✖

 

THREE

 

Taylor scratched one of the armrests  
On the leather sofa  
In her grandmother’s living room.

 

Her mother shouted at her.  
Her mother hit her.  
Her mother called her an awful child.

 

[She felt like an awful child.]

 

✖ 01111010 01100101 01110010 01101111 ✖

 

TWO

 

Taylor still flapped her hands around when she was excited  
Or when she was happy.

 

Her mother held her hands down and shouted at her  
Whenever it happened.

 

Taylor screamed and cried.

 

[She felt pain.]

 

✖ 01111010 01100101 01110010 01101111 ✖

 

ONE

 

Taylor scribbled in bright green crayon.  
Her drawing was put up on the fridge.

 

[She felt proud.]

 

✖ 01111010 01100101 01110010 01101111 ✖

 

ZERO

 

On the day of her birth,  
Taylor’s mother invited a friend  
To come and see her lovely baby daughter

 

Her friend came  
With her young son

 

He looked at her

 

[She felt safe in her mother’s arms.]

 

✖ 01111010 01100101 01110010 01101111 ✖

 

ABSOLUTE ZERO

 

Pregnancy, also known as gestation,  
is the time during which one or more offspring develops inside a human.  
A multiple pregnancy involves more than one offspring,  
such as with twins.

 

Pregnancy can occur by sexual intercourse,  
or assisted reproductive technology.

 

Childbirth typically occurs around 40 weeks from the last menstrual period (LMP).  
This is just over nine lunar months,  
where each month is about 29½ days.  
When measured from conception it is about 38 weeks.

 

An embryo is the developing offspring  
during the first eight weeks following conception,  
after which, the term fetus is used  
until birth.

 

Symptoms of early pregnancy may include,  
missed periods, tender breasts,   
nausea and vomiting,  
hunger, and frequent urination.

 

Pregnancy may be confirmed with a pregnancy test.

 

✖ 01111010 01100101 01110010 01101111 ✖

 

**01000001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01110011 01101000 01100101 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01110000 01101100 01100001 01111001 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01101111 01101110 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01110000 01101100 01100001 01111001 01100111 01110010 01101111 01110101 01101110 01100100 00001101 00001010 01000001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01110011 01101000 01100101 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01110000 01101100 01100001 01111001 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01101111 01101110 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01110011 01110111 01101001 01101110 01100111 01110011 00001101 00001010 01010011 01101000 01100101 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01101100 01100101 01100001 01110010 01101110 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01110111 01101111 01110010 01100100 01110011 00100000 01101100 01101001 01101011 01100101 00100000 00100111 01100110 01110101 01100011 01101011 00100111 00100000 01100001 01101110 01100100 00100000 00100111 01101000 01100001 01110100 01100101 00100111 00001101 00001010 01000001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01001001 00100000 01101011 01101110 01101111 01110111 00100000 01101010 01110101 01110011 01110100 00100000 01110111 01101000 01100001 01110100 00100000 01101001 01110100 00100000 01101101 01100101 01100001 01101110 01110011 00001101 00001010 01001001 01110100 00100000 01101101 01100101 01100001 01101110 01110011 00100000 01110011 01101000 01100101 00100111 01110011 00100000 01101010 01110101 01110011 01110100 00100000 01101100 01101001 01101011 01100101 00100000 01101000 01100101 01110010 00100000 01101101 01101111 01101101 00001101 00001010 01010011 01101000 01100101 00100111 01101100 01101100 00100000 01100101 01101110 01100100 00100000 01110101 01110000 00100000 01101100 01101111 01101110 01100101 01101100 01111001 00100000 01100001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01110011 01100001 01100100 00001101 00001010 01010011 01101000 01100101 00100111 01101100 01101100 00100000 01100101 01101110 01100100 00100000 01110101 01110000 00100000 01100001 01101100 01101111 01101110 01100101 00100000 01110111 01101001 01110100 01101000 00100000 01110010 01101001 01101110 01100111 01110011 00001101 00001010 01010111 01101001 01110100 01101000 00100000 01110010 01101001 01101110 01100111 01110011 00100000 01101001 01101110 00100000 01101000 01100101 01110010 00100000 01101101 01101111 01110101 01110100 01101000 00001101 00001010 01010111 01101001 01110100 01101000 00100000 01100111 01110101 01101110 01110011 00100000 01101001 01101110 00100000 01101000 01100101 01110010 00100000 01101000 01101111 01110101 01110011 01100101 00001101 00001010 01010111 01101001 01110100 01101000 00100000 01101000 01101111 01101100 01100101 01110011 00100000 01101001 01101110 00100000 01101000 01100101 01110010 00100000 01101000 01100101 01100001 01110010 01110100 00001101 00001010 01001000 01100101 01111001 00100000 01001011 01101001 01100100**


	3. BACTERIOPHAGE

BACTERIOPHAGE  
 __noun  
noun: **bacteriophage** ; plural noun: **bacteriophages  
** 1 . Any of a group of viruses that infect and reproduce in specific bacteria, usually causing their disintegration or dissolution. After the bacterium is destroyed, the bacteriophage is released and can invade surrounding bacteria.

 

✖  01101001 01101110 01100110 01100101 01100011 01110100  ✖

 

Taylor had an idea.

It was a crazy idea. A ridiculous idea that could get him killed.

He loved it.

For the first time in a week he hauled himself out of bed for a reason other than going to the toilet or getting something to eat or drink. He finally had motivation again.

He found that he wasn’t bored. He was excited.

He smiled, truly and honestly, for the first time in what must’ve been a year.

 

✖  01101001 01101110 01100110 01100101 01100011 01110100  ✖

 

After around a month of work, Taylor was around a quarter of the way through his project. 

That was fine. It was something big, important, life changing,  _ world changing.  _ He thought that something like that would make sense to take a long time. Deserves to take a long time, so he could truly drink it all in, feel the raw power and excitement and pride.

He could drink in his work, anybody could. He was proud of his work, but not himself. Taylor thought of himself like spoiled milk. He festered and rotted quickly, he could easily be replaced. A new carton of milk, tastier and healthier and fresher and fuller than he could ever hope to be.

And if anyone were to truly drink everything about him in. To learn about who he truly was, to know everything. Well, they would be disgusted.

He was sour milk, the kind left in the corner of the counter to make tea with later, only to be forgotten and hidden behind things, then rediscovered months later. Then people would wait a month or two more to clean it up because they didn’t want to smell it or touch it or see it. It would be left out alone for even longer before finally the disgusting smell grew too much, too overbearing, and it would be thrown away, directly into the outside bins.

Nobody wants the smell of spoiled milk in their house.

Really, it was fine. He was proud of his work. He enjoyed his work. He really did.

He would work on it so long he would forget to sleep or eat or drink. And that sure gave him an excuse to purposely starve himself and dehydrate himself and deprive himself of sleep.

Subtle forms of self harm were good things to learn when it’s the only thing that helped and you were constantly under surveillance.

Staff members came in often and praised him for getting up and for doing things and for how good his current invention in is big project was.

Even if they had no idea what it did.

Even if they would hate what it did. Even though they would certainly take it away from him and put him under supervision. Bar him from ever making anything again. Make sure he would never ever be discharged from the hospital.

But that was okay.

Taylor was good at lying. And he was good at hiding things. 

He had to be.

 

✖  01101001 01101110 01100110 01100101 01100011 01110100  ✖

 

He finished his project in two more months. One month earlier than his projected four. He was proud of that.

And he said it aloud, leaning back in his seat at his desk, smiling slightly at the charts and graphs he held in his hands. His desk was covered in sticky notes and stacks of paper and folders and blueprints. Screwdrivers and wrenches and hammers and pencils and chalk strewn over his desk. He didn’t bother to clean. Ever. He was always either too busy or didn’t have the energy and/or motivation.

Clone One gave him a thumbs up and a smile, big, bright and beaming, filled with love and admiration. Clone Two remained leaned against the wall, his arms crossed. He was looking down, but he did look up for a second and his mouth twitched into a smile for a fraction of a second before going back to a frown.

Taylor knew he was proud of him too.

 

✖  01101001 01101110 01100110 01100101 01100011 01110100  ✖

 

That week after finishing his project. Taylor made sure to eat a healthy amount of food, not too fast though. It wasn’t healthy to eat lots quickly after starving yourself. Taylor knew this from research, and Taylor knew this from experience.

He made sure to sleep the right amount, and drink the right amount.

He needed to be healthy and prepared.

 

✖  01101001 01101110 01100110 01100101 01100011 01110100  ✖

 

Here he was. He was ready.

Taylor cut the window pane off of his window, sliced through the bars, and escaped with his... project.

 

✖  01101001 01101110 01100110 01100101 01100011 01110100  ✖

 

**01000010 01110010 01100101 01100001 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01101001 01101110 00101100 00100000 01100010 01110010 01100101 01100001 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01101111 01110101 01110100 00101100 00100000 01100101 01110110 01100101 01110010 01111001 01100010 01101111 01100100 01111001 00100000 01110011 01100011 01110010 01100101 01100001 01101101 00100000 01100110 01110101 01100011 01101011 00101110 00001101 00001010 01001001 00100000 01101011 01101110 01101111 01110111 00100000 01001001 00100111 01110110 01100101 00100000 01100111 01101111 01101110 01100101 00100000 01110100 01101111 01101111 00100000 01100110 01100001 01110010 00100000 01110100 01101000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01110100 01101001 01101101 01100101 00001101 00001010 01001101 01111001 00100000 01100111 01110010 01100001 01101110 01100100 01110000 01100001 00100000 01110011 01100001 01101001 01100100 00100000 01100100 01101111 01101110 00100111 01110100 00100000 01100010 01100101 00100000 01100001 01100110 01110010 01100001 01101001 01100100 00100000 01101111 01100110 00100000 01100100 01100101 01100001 01110100 01101000 00001101 00001010 01001000 01100101 00100111 01110011 00100000 01101010 01110101 01110011 01110100 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 01110010 00100000 01101111 01101100 01100100 01100101 01110011 01110100 00100000 01100110 01110010 01101001 01100101 01101110 01100100 00001101 00001010 01000011 01101111 01101101 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01100010 01100001 01100011 01101011 00100000 01100110 01101111 01110010 00100000 01110111 01101000 01100001 01110100 00100000 01101000 01100101 00100000 01100110 01101111 01110010 01100111 01101111 01110100 00001101 00001010 01001001 00100000 01101000 01101111 01110000 01100101 00100000 01001001 00100000 01100110 01101111 01110010 01100111 01100101 01110100 00100000 01100001 01101100 01101100 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 01110011 01100101 00100000 01101100 01101001 01100101 01110011**


	4. ORBITAL DECAY

ORBITAL DECAY

_ noun _

noun:  **orbital decay** ; plural noun:  **orbital decay**

  1. (In orbital mechanics) A process that leads to gradual decrease of the distance between two orbiting bodies at their closest approach (the periapsis) over many orbital periods. These orbiting bodies can be a planet and its satellite, a star and any object orbiting it, or components of any binary system.  
2\. (In atomic physics) A change of an atom from one energy state to another of lower energy in which the orbital of one of the electrons changes.



 

✖01100100 01100101 01100011 01100001 01111001✖

 

Taylor, in all honestly, couldn’t quite believe that it had actually worked, that he had gotten out. But there he was, hiding behind his old childhood home. He placed his invention down, carefully, hiding it in some shrubbery. 

He hummed. Hydrangea macrophylla. Blue. The colouration indicated that the pH of the soil was below 7, acidic. Fitting, for a house filled with such venom, acid dripping from words and actions, burning him away, making him more and more venomous and bitter and pessimistic himself. The place left a bad taste in his mouth. Sour and acidic, like the soil. And to think he usually liked sour foods.

He supposed, carrying on with the milk analogy, if he was sour milk, then this was a warm, stifling house, hard to breath in. Too hot, no windows open, and he was left on the counter to spoil.

Oh well. No use crying over spilt milk.

Taylor patted down his lab coat pockets, tied the thick apron around him and grabbed the plain white case by his side. Excitement and nerves bubbled up in a small giggle as he pulled the heavy duty safety goggles over his eyes. He grinned as he scaled the wall, picked the window on the lock, and snuck into the house.

Sneaking through the dark house was hard, near impossible. Between his heavy, metal soled, heeled boots, the slightly creaky wooden floorboards and Taylor’s natural inclination to make as much noise as possible to draw as much attention as possible. He turned the light on. He didn’t want to trip.

It soon wouldn’t matter, as Taylor reached his parents room. He opened the door, letting a shaft of light into the pitch black room, their curtains were drawn.

His shadow in the doorway, the only illumination in the room, was ominous. Grim and dramatic. He loved it, reveled in it. A large grin on his face. It was perfect, almost poetic.

Taylor adjusted his goggles, pulled on the rubber gloves he had in his pocket, pulling on them as he did so, as to make them snap back to his wrists with a satisfying sound. He took a pair of syringes out of his pocket, removed the air, and then flicked the side of the second one as he finished preparing it, for dramatic effect. He loved dramatic effect.

He licked his lips, feeling breathless, his mouth was dry. His lips tingled as he did so, and then he realised that his whole body was also buzzing in excitement. Pins and needles of pent up energy.

Pins and needles. Fitting.

With no hesitation, Taylor quickly stepped forwards and injected both of them in the neck with the clear, blueish fluid, he praised himself on being precise and efficient.

 

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While waiting for his parents to wake up from the tranquillisers, after setting up the room, Taylor decided to have a little look around the house. Or, rather, just his old room.

It was empty. His wallpaper stripped off of the walls, plain paper repainted, carpet pulled up and replaced with a scratchy, tacky, linoleum fake wood design.

That was it. They hadn’t even put anything in there. Just removed every trace of his existence and left the room empty, unused, useless. It sure showed what they thought of him.

Taylor lost himself for a moment, kicking the wall hard with his heel in his delirium. He left a dent, plaster falling to the floor. It wasn’t his wall. It wasn’t his floor. It wasn’t his room. It wasn’t his house.

It never was.

 

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They soon awoke, Taylor’s parents. Taylor looked up from his book, an astrophysics textbook, a with half lidded, disinterested gaze.

“Oh,” he said, slipping a bookmark into his book, closing it, and neatly placing it on the chair. “So nice of you two to finally join me. Took you a while. You’re not even fashionably late. Distasteful.”

He could see the fear in his parents eyes. He laughed, loud and sharp, like nails on chalkboard, steel forks on plates, bicycle brakes squeaking- at least to his parents. To him, it was a sound of victory, of pride and vengeance, sweet and strong and so well deserved.

Taylor grinned, big and wide, reaching his eyes. He hadn’t smiled that wide and genuine in years. “What’s wrong? Not happy to see me?” He emphasised this by suddenly slamming his hands on the tables they laid on. The tables shook with the force and Taylor laughed again, something akin to a giggle.

“This feels nice, you know, having all the power. The advantage, looming over you here with you at my mercy, defenseless to anything I may decide to do. Tied down, unable to speak or move, just look around and cry.” Taylor leaned forwards, and in a voice barely more than a whisper he added; “Oh and let me tell you, I won’t be showing you any mercy.

“Oh the looks on your faces! I see why you did this to me now, such a power high… Well then. Let’s really see if I can make you feel like I did. See if I can make you feel worse. You know, I’m really into science, always have been.” Taylor talked happily while he walked over to a desk at the side of the room. “You should know that, actually. I have been from a young age, yeah?”

He looked at his parents. They looked back. “ _ WELL!? _ ” He suddenly shouted at them. They nodded quickly. Taylor smiled, looking back to the case on the desk.

“There, much better! Yes, I have. Meaning I have a lot of medical knowledge. I can use that information, you know. To prolong your life, to know which areas of the body feel the most pain, to know what to do to instantly kill you, end your life in seconds, leave your body paralysed."

He looked over his shoulder at them. “In short-” He opened the plain white case, revealing an assortment of knives and tools and all kinds of things. “-I know a lot of… effective torture methods, yeah?

“You may be well versed in emotional torture,  _ I sure as fuck know that by your treatment of me. _ ” He spat, venom in his voice as he pulled a large butcher’s knife out of the case. He knew taking up animal biology and taxidermy while at the hospital would come in handy. Lots of excuses for ownership of knives. Not that he needed a good excuse at that awful place, no safety standards at all. “But I know how to physically torture someone, too.”

He walked over, between the two tables. “Oh, and I sure want payback.”

Taylor quickly slammed the butcher's knife blade down hard on his mother’s wrist, twisting it ever so slightly. With a second hack at her arm it severed. Blood splattered all over the apron he was wearing, and he sighed. “ _ Oh finally!  _ It took me years but finally I’m getting the payback I want, the payback I  _ need. _ That was for all the times you slapped me and hit me when I acted up. You can’t do any more hurt with that hand, since you don’t have it now, huh?”

Taylor looked at the steady flow of blood coming from her hand, spurting out slightly. It was cathartic. He sighed. “I just severed two of your arteries there, the radial and ulnar arteries. The ulnar artery is the main supplier of oxygenated blood to the medial aspect of the forearm. It arises from the brachial artery and terminates in the superficial palmar arch, which joins with the superficial branch of the radial artery… Of course, without your hand you won’t be needing any of that anymore, right?”

“Ah, now see your arm here, it’s really quite amazing. You don’t deserve it, of course, but just human bodies in general… Fascinating.” He bent her arm at the elbow, back and forth, staring at it with unbridled amazement. “You see, your elbow joint is the synovial hinge joint between the upper and lower arm. In that way it connects three bones with just a simple hinge joint capsule and ligaments. For how little skin and muscle cover it it really has so much… All the bones and joints and muscles, the veins and nerves… The human body is awe inspiring, really. You all take it for granted.”

Taylor found himself smiling at their screaming. And to think the few therapy sessions that actually happened in the hospital said that you should forgive your abusers.

 

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